fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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