well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
