How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
