My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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