everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
