I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
