Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
