im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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