We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
