On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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