i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
