I hate all girls vehemently.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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