I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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