I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
