His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
