I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
