My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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