Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
