It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
