I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
