fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
