Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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