Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
