I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
