he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
