In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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