I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
