So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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