we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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