I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
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She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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