I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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