i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
