I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
