smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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