just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
