Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
