To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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