Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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