You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
