I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
