My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
