brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
