why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Ladies don't puke and tell
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