sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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