After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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