either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
