Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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