wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
