I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
