If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
