dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
