Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
