Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
