where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
