I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
