you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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