Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
