yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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