My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
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someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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