I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
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ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
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This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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