I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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