Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
