She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
