What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How does one acquire holy water?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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