im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
