I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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