I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
