So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
