I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
