Umm I'm too high to move.
You smell like stripper and shame
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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