Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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