pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
