I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
