just come out here and I will go home with you...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
