a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
