Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
