I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
