i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
